Final Build

It's almost one o clock, together with a hand full of people we've been trying to get the last build going. I'm tired I feel the pain in my eyes yet something drives me on. Something keeps me eager to motivate people around me, to be with them, to solve the problems we face. There is quite nothing that feels like this, stripped to the bone with barely enough power to see straight let alone think straight. Yet it is where I feel at home, solving problems on the fly, working with extremely talented people to create something unique. These last few hours are the hours of the final build, it is in these hours that all the time you've wasted in the previous weeks and months sting the most. I wish it was possible to collect those moments of downtime to just squeeze another hour maybe even ten minutes out of my life for the final build. So much that can be achieved when one is nearing the end. Some feel the urge to contribute to this "once in a lifetime" alignment of chance and fate but some see it as another day at work. But I see it as a moment of truth a moment where the hard work of many will be put to the test. A moment that everyone will be judged for their actions...

The moment of the final build.

Silence before the Storm

Today was one of those long days. It was a day you get every once in a while. It has two sides to it.One of them is the shear pleasure of making, building, sculpting a product with many brilliant people. Creating something that one can not imagine. And the other one is working twelve hours straight like a maniac, making decisions on things that differ from....

I can't do this. I'm about to collapse any moment now. Good night....

The Pitch

It was hot and humid in the office today and people were running from room to room to get the product ready for the press tour. Somewhere between my walk to the conference room and the sweat running down my spine I realized that thousands of people would see me present the product worldwide. I shiver, I don't know if it was the thought of being watched by so many or the drop of sweat that caused the icy sensation. I was going to rehearse the presentation with my boss and dear colleague Swen. We decided to give the people what they want but seeing the fact we have a limited timespan until the press tour we agree about the fact that we should accurately plan the presentation step by step. This happened to be a very good choice for it enabled us to see what part of the product needed most attention. Whatever wasn't going to be presented could be optimized later. After the meeting I had a list of changes and improvements that I communicated to the various departments involved. As if everyone didn't have enough to do, they suddenly got more things to take care of in an even shorter time frame.
It's interesting though the meeting never came to an end, it was the product that refused to cooperate. Every time we would run it for over twenty minutes it would stop functioning. Would I be able to defend this product if it would cease to function properly while I was presenting it to the international press? The thoughts went through my mind, I didn't feel too comfortable about all the things that could go wrong during the presentation. Maybe this was also part of being a lead, being able to take everyones shit but still defend the blood, sweat and tears that everyone put in this product. Maybe I would get to know a side of myself I hadn't delved deeply enough across the years. As I'm writing this the deadline rears its ugly face in my head, on my hand it says "Joachim HighHall". Just one of the many things I need to get done before the deadline ends...

The Press Tour

Today was an incredibly long day at work, I, my team and the entire company were trying to get the product we're developing ready for the press tour that's planned in a couple of days. Meanwhile other deadlines press on and even though it feels like there is no progress the product is advancing exponentially. It's easy to loose sight of matters when there is so much going on, yet I'm proud to say that my team is keeping their head above water quite well. If it wasn't for their hard work and continuous contribution to the refinement process of the product I would have been quite burned out. However the results of the project until now will be reviewed tomorrow and we'll have to see where we'll need to cut corners or add more bells and whistles. If the review goes well the team should have their work cut out for them for the coming week and the one after. I'll have to maintain contact with them while I'm away to see if they're getting the necessary support they need to continue their work successfully.

I speak of my absence with regard to the fact that yours truly is going to be presenting the product to the press. This will be an interesting moment in my career, I've never done something similar in a proffesional environment before. Sure I've presented many things as if they were the answer to whatever the listener sought to believe, but this is different. As a professional and speaking out of experience I know you can't bullshit a "bulshitter". So how am I going to sell this outstanding product without revealing too much of its nature and so protecting it from possible exposure to competition? I suppose I can only answer that question once I've demonstrated the product for the first time to the press.

Meanwhile on the other side of my tiny world is my fantastic and beloved girlfriend. She in her turn has embarked on an endless journey that one day will lead to the summit of the mountain we call cognitive science. As she climbs on, the air becomes thinner and so does the time that we have together. Though this is not a problem "yet" I try to be her lifeline when she falls. Maybe I can help her with the hardship ahead?

So I decided to assist her today with her project for connectionism. We built a neural network today consisting of three layers and ten nodes and I can tell you that every one of those nodes took ages to get right. The interesting thing is that we didn't make the deadline but we actually struggled together to fight for every inch of code we had to write and somehow that was worth more than the mark. It sounds idealistic but it was actually fun to keep my dear friend and programmer Mehrzad awake for hours and hours just so we could get this neural network right. In the end we got parts of it right and maybe by the time you read this we got the rest done as well.

Maybe this all doesn't make sense but in the end I have my own mountain to climb in the morning and I have an expedition to lead. I'm of to bed....

First words

This is the first message on my Blog. I started blogging because I thought it would be important to record my design and life experiences. Maybe one day it would be interesting to look back on these words to see how my progress was from day to day, how I would grow during my career and maybe just have my kids read these words once I'm gone. Hopefully I'll be disciplined enough to write and post my work from day to day, if not then it was a pathetic attempt at writing a diary.