Press Tour: London and Bath Spa

I woke up this morning feeling like shit, the cockroaches had gotten the best of me, I was hoping the "continental breakfast", as I recall the sign I saw last night announced, was more than worth it. However considering the condition this hotel was in I was expecting the worse. I walked down the corridor to take the elevator to the restaurant to have some breakfast. I was quite hungry because the previous night was quite an exhausting one, the room was so bad that I was actually considering to take a shower with my shoes on. Ashley mentioned his shower looked so bad he was afraid to get some kind of rash from it. As I walked into the "restaurant" aka shit hole they served breakfast at my stomach turned at the sight of the British breakfast. There where pieces of bacon drifting in a bucket of fat begging people to save them from their gruesome death. There was some yellowish puree that was posing as scrambled eggs, I can not begin to describe how disgusting these dishes were. Ok fine, screw the continental breakfast why don't I just take some orange juice I thought, little did I know that the orange juice just looked like a bucket of vomit. I had seen enough as I walked towards the table where Ashley and Claas were sitting I looked at them and saw in their eyes the reflection of my emotion. We decided to eat some breakfast cereal with milk and a brown bun with some jam.

We were done eating and decided to move out to the first magazine we where meeting, this was a big one and it concerned London, I had to be accurate and smooth the British press where sharks from what I had heard. But before we could leave I had to get the suitcase and my backpack. I had to get to my room before the cleaning lady did or I would loose all my gear!! The thought became more vivid, my heart started pounding, the elevator reached the floor I was staying at, there were cleaning ladies all over the place! I had no idea which way to go, this place was a maze. As I pulled myself together and started breathing normally I noticed the sign pointing to the direction my room was in, I was running to save the project. Sweat running down my back, this was the corridor, my room was at the end, the cleaning lady was cleaning the room before mine. I ran to my room, opened the door and saw that it was in the state I had left it in. With much difficulty I grabbed the suitcase and my backpack and left for the lobby. Claas and Ashley were waiting there with a cab, we took off to our first appointment.

We arrive in a neat office, a cocky old woman asks us with a serious face to write our names in the visitors log. We comply and do as we're told, unexpectedly she offers us hart shaped lollipops as she cracks a smile. I couldn't let this go I had to negotiate for more than one lollipop, Claas and Ashley looked at me as if I was crazy, I looked back at them and the lady and said I needed another as a souvenir for my girlfriend. She pulled up here icy face again and gave me two more. I had won this battle but the true battle still had to take place. As we wait in a semi waiting room kind of space I stare at all the magazines this publisher owns and wonder if there is any competition at all in the publishing world. A bearded man arrives and introduces himself to us, he smiles and asks us to follow him. He takes us to a small room where I would present the product to him. As with the French magazine the presentation equipment was shit, by now I didn't really care. I knew that the size of the monitor or the quality of the speakers wasn't important for the presentation but that my connection to the viewers was the most important aspect of it all. I started up and discussed the product as if the viewers were part of my own team, I discussed why we made certain choices and why we were restricted in certain choices. They loved every moment of the presentation and more over they felt like the had lived through the production of this amazing product.

As we walk out of the building Claas stops a cab and we get in to head for London Hammersmith station. We arrive there and run to get the train tickets to Bath Spa, on the way to the ticket dispenser machine we see a McDonalds, this was our first chance of getting "good food"! We get the tickets and run to the McDonalds to get some food to eat in the train, with our backpacks, suitcases and bags of food we run to make it to the train. A two hour trip was ahead of us and Claas started by thanking me many times for my outstanding presentation, I felt truly honored to accept this compliment from someone that had worked in this industry for so many years.

We arrive at Bath Spa a beautiful city in the south west of england, this amazing city is said to be the most elegant city of England and I must agree it is truly amazing. After drinking two buckets of juice we go to the most important press encounters of this day. After walking through this old city a modern building rears its ugly head around the corner. We enter it and enlist in the visitors log as requested. The presentation equipment for this encounter is excellent, an eighty inch Sony LCD screen and a perfect sound system. Everybody arrives and the product is booted, I'm sweating my ass off and this time it's the agitation that's getting to me. The room is three by three meters and this eighty inch screen and the computer and the thirty degrees Celsius outside are generating enough heat to power a light bulb for weeks. I start presenting, pulling the same tricks as this afternoon, but I get interrupted by someone that's bringing in ice creams. My flow is rigid I don't do intermezzos and wasn't planning to either. I continued my presentation and the press genuinely seemed interested in the product, but after getting interrupted three more times I had enough. One of the journalists said he had to go and two others followed, I had to call it a day. I was dead tired and disappointed in this presentation, I didn't get the reaction I had asked for and I didn't do as well as I wanted to.

As we took a pint of cider at the train station Claas told me the presentation went really well and that the press was really interested in the product. He told me that these guys were more professional so they had to keep this ice cold unbiased face up. I had enough of this tour, I sat back in the train seat and took a nap. The hotel that was so disgusting suddenly felt like an oasis in the midst of a desert. I was looking forward to end the day with a cool glass of beer, but I barely could keep my eyes open.

Press Tour: From Paris to London

Garre du Nord, one word sums up this amazing building: chaos, shear chaos. There were dogs running around, people selling things, people buying things, people sleeping in corners, parents running around with children crossing the many platforms to catch their trains. In the middle of all this noise and chaos there was one constant sound of rattling, I was trying to figure out where this came from until I literally bumped into it. There was this huge mechanical board with all the departing trains on it, there where so many trains departing simultaniously that the departures kept shifting down the board. This was the cause of all that rattling throughout the entire station. While I was staring at the departures board and feeling the amazing atmosphere of this huge train station, I suddenly saw the train we had to catch on the board. Me and my contact Ashley with our huge amount of electronic luggage ran up to the first floor to check in for this train. I got through customs yet again without any trouble but Ashley was from Australia and had an Australian passport. This delayed things a little because they had to check him inside out and he had to fill in several forms before they let him pass. Luckily we got to the train on time and got to our seats. We had a moment to breath.....

We had dinner on the train which was quite good but not as good as what we had eaten for lunch that very same day. But again what I didn't know was that this would be a lot better than anything we would eat in London.

Me and Ashley discussed many things concerning the product I was presenting, some refreshing ideas were exchanged and we had great fun sharing them. Meanwhile the train arrived at London Hammersmith, we grabbed our bags walking to the exit of the train station to grab a cab. There was a huge line in front of the cabs and there was someone regulating the flow of passengers that wanted to get a cab to their desired destination. I refused to wait in line for a cab so I suggested we would take the metro or bus to where we had to be. I was in for an adventure but Ashley really didn't feel like getting his hands dirty considering the fact that we were traveling with two very expensive computers and two equally expensive laptops. We called Claas our contact in London and he confirmed that he had justed arrived at the Crown Plaza Hotel in London, his plane had landed thirty minutes before our arrival at Hammersmith and he was already enjoying his Guinness in the hotels bar. The cab took us exactly where we wanted to be but funny enough this hotel we were standing in front of didn't really feel like a Crown Plaza Hotel...
In fact it looked kind of dirty and it had drunk teenagers running around looking for more booze. Me and Ashley were hoping that they had some kind of suite prepared for us to drop our gear off at. We walked up to the reception with high hopes and checked in, they were nice but the hotel seemed like it was in total chaos, not the interesting kind of chaos I encountered in Paris but the filthy annoying kind of chaos. Little did I know that most of the presentations we had to do in London went together with the same kind of chaos. After a lot of negotiation and proving who we were we finally got our key cards for the rooms we had. We where situated on the sixth floor and took the elevator to go there. We entered the elevator...... We were staring at each other, speechless. I was wondering how I suddenly got back to my flat in the ghetto of Amsterdam. This elevator resembled the filthy elevators I had come across my entire youth, not just one of those elevators but a whole bunch. The Crown Plaza Hotel had managed to bring together the nastiest aspects of ghetto elevators and presented it as if it was a four star hotel. We were shocked, the sixth floor was a maze, I ended up walking in circles a couple of times before I found my room. As I entered my room I had this fear of encountering a big bald Londoner that was going to ass rape me in the cockroach infested bed I was going to be sleeping in that night. The lock opens, the key worked, no big Londoner but a fairly clean room with two neatly made up beds. I dropped my bags and suitcase and took a shower, the toilet seat actually had a hair on it. This was not amusing I had never been in a hotel like this ever, let alone for a high profile press tour. But I really didn't give a shit I was tired, I took my shower and went down to get loaded. I met Claas and we had a great time drinking till the early morning, I went to bed and went into a deep coma......

Press Tour: From Amsterdam to Paris

It was a beautiful Monday morning in Amsterdam. It was an early morning and as I was walking to the train station to catch the train to the airport I could hear the birds reflecting the turmoil inside my head with their chaotic but sweet morning serenade. I bought my ticket and nearly took the wrong train because of my sleepiness. I didn't feel comfortable dragging a thirty kg suitcase with me to the airport but alas there was no choice, the only machine in the entire world that had the product of my company running and functioning on it was in this inconspicuous suitcase. As if the suitcase wasn't enough I also had a huge backpack full of wires, gadgets and a laptop with me. I was swearing and cursing at my boss inside my head, but I had to continue, the future of the company lay in my hands. Meanwhile I reached the electronic check in poles of KLM, I must emphasize how much I love Holland for it's clarity and friendly people. I checked in and dropped the inconspicuous suitcase off at the friendly lady sitting behind the Air France counter. I was scared and concerned, I had no idea if the suitcase would get by security let alone make it through the trip. I had seen the luggage personnel violently throw suitcases in and out of planes before. Maybe if I was lucky they couldn't comfortably throw the suitcase because of its weight. As these thoughts ricochet through my head I reached security, after removing every bit of metal I had on me I went through the gates. It didn't beep.... there was something fishy going on. I always beep. Perhaps it was my lucky day, as I was walking towards my gate a friendly young woman smiled at me and greeted me. She was a salesperson for Biotherme at the duty free shop in Schiphol. I smiled and greeted her, in an instant my vanity struck: I was going to be interviewed and my face was going to be all across the internet! This meant that after traveling five countries in four days I would probably look like shit by the time the interviews where going to be recorded...
I walked out of the duty free shop having bought a revitalizing mask, a moisturizer and a genius little cooling gel in the form of a roller to get rid of the dark spots underneath my eyes. I wasn't going to sleep much so that last one was a necessity.

I boarded and the plane took off, always look around you to see where the nearest emergency exit is. I have this little ritual I do right before take off that ensures my sub consciousness is aware of the emergency procedure if something goes wrong. It never has gone wrong and I hope it never will, but you never know. Twenty minutes pass and the plane lands, I had an interesting conversation with a businessman that worked for a company that constructed oil rigs. He was nice enough to point out the fact that people in France took some time to get used to and that people in Paris were just generally rude. With this in mind I picked up my luggage and moved out of the arrivals section to meet my contacts. We met up and took a cab to the center of Paris. Our contact for the Parisian press was waiting for us in a sweet looking art nouveau building, the kind of building that has an excessive amount of bends and curves and has the most flowery wall paper known to man. After a short introduction we head out in the blistering thirty degrees heat for a ten minute walk through the streets of Paris. Mind you I'm wearing a leather coat with long jeans and carrying a thirty kg suitcase around with me across the cracked and irregular pavement of Paris. We arrive at the first press presentation I was about to give in my life, I didn't feel anything I just wanted air conditioning and a drink.
A young man introduces himself and leads us to the elevators. We get out on the fourth floor of this seventies style French building, the kind of architecture that reminds you of cheap hotels on the Spanish costas.

Everything goes blank, I'm staring at a desk with a small screen and an AZERTY keyboard. I ask the young man if he doesn't have anything bigger for me to show the product on. He replies with a humble, "Zis iz the biggest screen we got". I look around and decide to unpack the suitcase, this was the moment of truth: did the computer survive the plane trip or not?

Everything was plugged in, I said a short prayer and turned the computer on. It worked.....
I sat down and remembered the things I rehearsed with my dear boss and colleague Swen, it was hot in the room but I was as cool as ice. The presentation took off from the moment I opened my mouth, this was a great product and it only needed a great representative to showcase it.

After giving an amazing presentation which turned a skeptic audience into comrades that understood the product and felt the troubles and appreciation of doing this amazing project we went off to have lunch. Lunch in France is not a joke, it's a three course meal. It was the first time I had ostrich steak, the taste was great but little did I know that this was the last decent meal I would eat in the days to come.

After lunch I presented the product again but this time to other journalists. They loved it, even so much that a follow up interview was requested immediately after the presentation was over. I was on fire and the weather wasn't the only catalyst. It felt good presenting something that so many people had worked on so hard, I owed this to them, I needed to present us all with the quality we deserved...